I know this post is different from my norm, but I felt compelled.  

This post is for you, toddler mama.

I’m a bit ahead of you on this journey of motherhood, so I have the privilege of being able to look back and reflect.   

Mama, once you get on this highway called motherhood, whether by surprise or by years of planning, there is no exit, my dear. 

Once you become a mother, your heart is naked and vulnerable. Your love for your child is not logical, and it’s unconditional.

People claim they have unconditional love for their romantic partners. I don’t buy it for a second. 

Unconditional love means loving someone without condition.  I can think of many conditions that cause people to lose the love they have for a partner. If a partner cheats or is unkind, the love withers and dies. Both marriage and divorce are a result of conditional love.  

It’s different with our children, though.  Mothers of convicted murders love their children.

They can’t help it.

They have no choice.  Motherlove is unconditional.

Today, in honor of Mother’s Day, I’m sharing my heart with you about mommying, and why I already know, mama, you’re doing just fine.

I hope these words of mine give you calm and comfort on those days you feel lost, anxious, or unsure about parenting.  It’s all going to be ok.

I'm 53, a nurse, mom, partner, daughter, sister, friend. Out of all my roles in life,  being a mom is the one I cherish most. 

In some ways  I barely remember who I was before I was a mom.  For 26 years I have viewed everything through a mommy filter.  

Mama, your daughter is still little and she is the most important person to you in all the world.  And you are hers.

You worry about her future. 

You have so many hopes and dreams for her. 

In fact, you would give up everything, right now, to know she would grow up smart, and strong and confident, be perfectly well-adjusted, and live happily ever after.  

Becoming her mom was a miraculous gift you didn’t earn.  Sometimes when you look at this little person you feel a sense of awe that gives you a lump in your throat. 

Will you do a good job raising her?

Are you even qualified to raise this little human?

Will you fail as a mom?  

Yes, yes, and yes.

Yes, you will do a good job raising her.

Yes, you are uniquely qualified to raise your child.  

And yes, at times, you will FEEL as though you’ve failed. 

But the thing is, you won’t fail. 

You won’t fail if you can admit your mistakes, never give up trying to do better, and continue to love her without condition. 

I have three daughters. 

I’ve learned my daughters are each different from each other. 

I’ve learned they were not born a blank slate, and I never had the power to shape or create their unique personalities. My only power has been in loving and supporting their uniqueness.  

I’ve learned that they remember and value the little things we did together...collecting red and yellow leaves in the fall, making messy art projects at the kitchen table, having a girls’ spa day at home, letting them have their own pretend restaurant in the kitchen.  

I’ve learned that when they were teens, I wanted and needed my daughters to open up to me. 

And they did open up to me.  But only at the most INCONVENIENT times--usually late at night when I was exhausted and desperate for sleep.  

I learned if I wanted to know my daughters, I had to wake up, listen, and connect, however inconvenient the timing was.  

THESE were the defining moments.  

THIS is how mom-daughter relationships are built, strengthened, reinforced.  

I’ve learned that sometimes I’ve felt inferior to other moms. 

I’ve only volunteered a few times at their schools (I hated volunteering at school-don’t judge me),  and I’ve guilted myself about it way too much. But I’ve learned I’m still a good mom.

If you take away nothing else from my words, take this nugget—from an older mom (me)  to a younger mom (you):

The love, the teaching, and the values that you put into her while she is young will become a part of who she is.  

There will come a time when you question if what you did was enough. 

You’ll wonder If you even made a difference. 

When she is a pre-teen or teen she may  will go through phases that cause you to worry until your stomach hurts and your heart aches.

But remember this, mama.

All the gifts you’ve given her are there deep inside her and will help her find her way in life.  

Trust this, mama.  

I know this to be true.

Heidi

~Dedicated to my daughters Alexa, Sidney & Taylor